Tales From Brushes With Beasts

Monkeys on the shoulder, attack dogs at the door, and bears in the living room—seven hilarious stories of what happens when humans and animals collide.

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That Time I Went on a First Date and the Guy Took His Monkey Out

After dating all of the Jewish men in San Francisco, I moved to the Big Apple only to find monkey business.

The Bear in Our Living Room

One of the best things about living in a rural area is to see your metropolis friends' wide-eyed expressions when they hear you live among bears and bobcats.

The Worst Little Pony I Ever Loved

With you I was dragged through gravel and meadows, scarred my left arm and damaged the growth plate in my right...but I never had a friend quite like you.

Lets Be Honest: Dogs Are Really Just Indoor Wolves

Surrounded by artwork worth millions, and carpentry tools, I met my greatest fear.

The Handheld Lions of the Cairo Zoo

My delight turned to dismay in the lion's den.

That Night I Snuck Into the Central Park Zoo

While the mammals of the concrete jungle snoozed ever so peacefully, I jumped the fence to touch a polar bear's paws.

Running From Raccoons in Staten Island

That is the last time I will ever go back in that particular abandoned building.