After dating all of the Jewish men in San Francisco, I moved to the Big Apple only to find monkey business.

One of the best things about living in a rural area is to see your metropolis friends' wide-eyed expressions when they hear you live among bears and bobcats.

With you I was dragged through gravel and meadows, scarred my left arm and damaged the growth plate in my right...but I never had a friend quite like you.

Surrounded by artwork worth millions, and carpentry tools, I met my greatest fear.

My delight turned to dismay in the lion's den.

While the mammals of the concrete jungle snoozed ever so peacefully, I jumped the fence to touch a polar bear's paws.

That is the last time I will ever go back in that particular abandoned building.