Diary of an Awkward Teenage Balloon Artist

Entertaining kids with inflated animals is tough—and when you’re a math-team nerd competing for gigs against your charismatic crush, it can blow up your entire life.

Illustration by Ala Flora

The first animal you’re taught while training as a balloon artist is a dog.

Pull the empty balloon by either end a few times before you inflate it. This stretches the latex, and gives customers the impression you’re about to perform an elaborate magic trick. Smile. Make small talk. We are not clowns; we’re entertainment professionals.

So, where are you folks from?

Using your dominant hand, pump air into the balloon — two or three pumps should do it for your basic four-legged animals. Tie it off.

You go to school around here, boss?

Start at the tied end. Move your hands about one inch down the balloon, pinch either side, and twist toward yourself. This is the dog’s head. Two more two-inch bubbles twisted together form the ears.