How I Wrote Myself into a Real-life Romantic Comedy – That Turned into a Survivalist Thriller

As a filmmaker, I thought I could write the screenplay for my own love life. When I got lost in a hailstorm at 12,000 feet, searching for my ex, I realized I desperately needed a new ending.

Happy Memoir Monday! Today we're excited to share this hilarious and heartfelt saga by Melissa Johnson, which originally ran in March 2021. Narratively is a proud partner of Memoir Monday, a weekly curation of the best personal essays from around the web, published on Memoir Land. For more great memoir stories, check out this week's Memoir Monday lineup here.

Illustrations by Genevieve Ashley | Story Edited by Farah Mohammed

He doesn’t love me. He never loved me. And he isn’t looking for me — so I damn well better survive the night on my own. No food, no tent, no map. No one to blame but myself. Too bad burning hot shame isn’t a heat source.

Moonlight traces a craggy ridgeline up around me in a massive arc. The sparse lodgepole pines give way to barren rock, which means 12,000-foot elevation. Thin air breeds spartan creatures — mountain lions, king snakes, bighorn sheep. Not soft-fingered writers.

My body curls into the fetal position inside the soggy sleeping bag as my teeth chatter with percussive violence. No comfort for animals that don’t belong. The hard earth refuses to yield an inch to the curve of my hip.

I lay my spine flat and look up — I haven’t seen a star in nine years. Even through my panicked fog, the glory catches me. The sky glitters and winks like a showgirl. The Perseid Meteor Shower should peak tonight. Hey if I don’t make it, at least I’ll get a good show, right? But nothing falls.