The cancer ward (and my Insta feed) were filled with picture-perfect moms moving heaven and earth for their sick kids. Meanwhile, I spiraled into heavy drinking, depression and self-destruction.
This is gorgeous! I lost my third baby to brain cancer in 2019. It was pure hell, and I relate to all the feelings you have about being a "good cancer mom." I've been sober for 17 years now, so I knew back then that a drink would only be made things worse, but when you talk about wishing for oblivion, I know what that's like... to just want to disappear, but know your kids need you. I'm so glad you stuck around and shared your story, I know your beautiful daughter is too.
Wanting to disappear but knowing your kids need you is such a brutal push-pull. And hell yes to 17 years of sobriety- that's magnificent! I'm so grateful for how sharing my story has connected me with other people who have similar ghosts haunting them. I'm so sorry to hear about your baby, and I'm sending so many warm wishes to your family, though I know nothing can touch that ache <3
What a powerful, vulnerable, inspiring story. And what a great mom!
"What a great mom" just made me tear up. True!
Thank you!! That means the world!
This is gorgeous! I lost my third baby to brain cancer in 2019. It was pure hell, and I relate to all the feelings you have about being a "good cancer mom." I've been sober for 17 years now, so I knew back then that a drink would only be made things worse, but when you talk about wishing for oblivion, I know what that's like... to just want to disappear, but know your kids need you. I'm so glad you stuck around and shared your story, I know your beautiful daughter is too.
Wanting to disappear but knowing your kids need you is such a brutal push-pull. And hell yes to 17 years of sobriety- that's magnificent! I'm so grateful for how sharing my story has connected me with other people who have similar ghosts haunting them. I'm so sorry to hear about your baby, and I'm sending so many warm wishes to your family, though I know nothing can touch that ache <3
Thank you. We are not alone!
A fabulous essay! Congratulations on all you and Carolyn have overcome.
Loved this story so much.